New hope – or should I say a false hope … this is the first month after the failed fet, I prayed a lot to get pregnant this month. I thought God approved.

This month I had many questions asked to God, not all answered yet but I felt his peace and his presence a lot.

Unfortunately I am falling in despair again, this is my second sleepless night. Maybe because I am expecting my period in 5 days, I am having all its painful symptoms and this is getting me down.

Also I heard that one of the family girls who had a beautiful baby girl last year doesn’t want to come to our house because she fears diseases from our fur babies … well … this hurt A LOT.

Anybody passes by my blog … hopefully you Jesus … pray hard for me.

19/9/1945 Father N.Kamel birth date

11/1/2003 Father N.Kamel left to Heaven

2/2/1950 Mom S. Birth date

20/7/1986 My love B. Birth date

20/11/2010 Meshmesh birth date

10/1/2011 First day Meshmesh at home

30/6/2011 Nana’s birth date

August 2011 Nana at home

17/5/2014 Engagement

25/5/2014 Engagement Party

24/1/2015 Jojo and Lily’s birth date

14/2/2015 Wedding

24/3/2015 Caesar birth date

May 2015 Caesar at home

15/6/2015 First day at Eva Pharma

19/8/2015 Miscarriage

5/1/2016 Dodo and Bondok birth date

February 2016 Mohamed Yehia first visit (fertility center)

February 2016 1st anniversary at Cecil Alexandria

13/3/2016 First day at ElMehy Engineering

March 2016 أشعة بالصبغة

April 2016 Trigger shot (chorimion)

May 2016 Trigger shot (pregnyl)

June 2016 Trigger shot (pregnyl)

August 2016 Trigger shot

September 2016 – first IUI at Queens fertility center

31/10/2016 Jojo joined the rainbow bridge

December 2016 first visit to Medhat Thabet (Maadi)

January 2017 – Tracking ovulation with Medhat Thabet

February 2017 – Got fired from ElMehy – جلسات الكهرباء

2/2/2017 Bondok joined the rainbow bridge

March 2017 – second IUI with Medhat Thabet – took many Fostemon injections

July 2017 – Third IUI with Medhat Thabet – ova reached 18 mm naturally

September 2017 – first IVF with Mohamed Yehia, 3 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, fresh 2 day transfer.

October 2017 – IVF Failed

February 2018 – Amr Helmy first visit

March 2018 – second IVF, 11 eggs retrieved, all poor quality, cycle cancelled

April 2018 started vitamins

8/8/2018 Third IVF with Amr Helmy, 11 eggs retrieved, 10 fertilized, 5 blastocysts and frozen

No fresh transfer because uterine lining was shrinking

September 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

October 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

November 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

1/12/2018 FET #1, 3 blastocysts transferred

11/12/2018 Official Big Fat Negative

17/5/2014 Engagement

25/5/2014 Engagement Party

14/2/2015 Wedding

19/8/2015 Miscarriage

February 2016 Mohamed Yehia first visit (fertility center)

March 2016 Trigger shot (chorimion)

May 2016 Trigger shot (pregnyl)

June 2016 Trigger shot (pregnyl)

August 2016 Trigger shot

September 2016 – first IUI at Queens fertility center

December 2016 first visit to Medhat Thabet (Maadi)

January 2017 – Tracking ovulation with Medhat Thabet

February 2017 – Tracking ovulation with Medhat Thabet

March 2017 – second IUI with Medhat Thabet – took many Fostemon injections

July 2017 – Third IUI with Medhat Thabet – ova reached 18 mm naturally

September 2017 – first IVF with Mohamed Yehia, 3 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, fresh 2 day transfer.

October 2017 – IVF Failed

February 2018 – Amr Helmy first visit

March 2018 – second IVF, 11 eggs retrieved, all poor quality, cycle cancelled

April 2018 started vitamins

8/8/2018 Third IVF with Amr Helmy, 11 eggs retrieved, 10 fertilized, 5 blastocysts and frozen

No fresh transfer because uterine lining was shrinking

September 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

October 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

November 2018 – uterine lining didn’t reach 7 mm

1/12/2018 FET #1, 3 blastocysts transferred

11/12/2018 Official Big Fat Negative

There’s a fierce battle in my mind, my heart and soul, many questions with no answers, I will write them down hopefully God will guide me.

– After my failed FET I already know that my love B’s cousin is expecting her baby next month, she got married after me”well they all did actually” but the thing is that she suffered from infertility for 2 years, yet, God was generous with her and gave her the gift.

– My cousin and my husband “B” friend both are pregnant for the second time. Again God was so generous with both of them. My cousin got pregnant just in one month when her husband was on a vacation and before traveling again God gave them “the good news” … again … he is so kind and generous … I need my miracle too. B’s friend had a miscarriage in the beginning of her marriage … yet … God gave her 2 babies instead … God … I need my miracle too

– Should I keep praying and be positive and claim my miracle … or should I give up, accept the reality and try to make my peace with it?

– Will God listen to me? Right now I am so angry, my mom is hurt for me, my husband is hurt for me. They both care about me so much and feel sad for me. I am their source of sadness, and for this I am angry

– Am I going to be a mom ever?

– Am I ever going to have a normal life? I got married after having many battles with blind dates and meeting so many jerks. Finally I married my miracle B … my wedding day was the best day in my life, and I thought I will see the line “lived happily ever after” and didn’t know I will suffer infertility for 4 years. God please answer me, am I going to have a normal life ever.

– I want B and mom to be with people again, for the past period I couldn’t be with people.

So … it turns out that all the tremendous symptoms I had this cycle were pure progesterone side effect. Had the blood test today (beta) and it was NEGATIVE.

Strong headache, nausea, fatigue, tiredness, sleepiness, hunger, gases (including vaginal), vivid dreams, strong twinges in the right side, light twinges in the left side, AF cramps, white cotton discharge in urine.

Alllll are from progesterone.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton